reflections from yesterday.

[Olympic Rock at home.. wistfully looking out. I will visit here as soon as I get home]

today, we went back to Penzance, to purchase the red dress -
and it rained. the sky leaked. literally bucketed down and I was just over the whole thing. I wanted [and still want to] go home. That and the absolute fools on the road constantly are really making this a miserable time for me. Joe is not enjoying it either.
but costs will not allow an early return, I must make do with the rest of the time away. Maybe we will win the lottery tonight !! And if I went home early, I would feel a loss.. that something still has to be done, finished, laid to rest.

i have been reflecting on quite abit today. especially my Pa. He always use to say 'dreckly'.. and apparently this is something that came from the Cornish language. I don't know. just what i have heard and read while here. The people in Cornwall are absolutely nothing like my Pa was [as I have said before].. and that is because only 10% of people here are actually true Cornish people. i am more cornish than most of them. not that I want to live here or even embrace my cornish-ness anymore.

and while I am here, I have realized that my Pa was not English. I don't know if he naturalized or not. being 5 when he arrived, he took to the Australian way of life with gusto - never needing to return to England. My mother and her siblings were born in Australia and I can understand now, why my great grandmother Laura may have seemed, aristocratic and unapproachable to my mum. It was because she was English. She would not have understood the little aussie urchins who were her grandchildren, who climbed trees and ran around barefoot, browning up in the sun. This would have been so foreign to her.. but she chose to stay. why? I think she must have had foresight.. to see what England was to become and wanted more for her family and in the future for, me.

there is a beauty here in England, but it is not of me. I can see that maybe there is a deep long ago spirituality from the Druids and others.. but that is not of me. [maybe in the past lives.. but they have been laid to rest with this pilgrimage to England].. the spirituality of the land Australia is what I am made of and it took this trip to show me that.

I have been looking back over my photos from our trip so far.. and we have seen and done some absolutely brilliant things.. so there are no regrets in making this trip. The only regret is that I cannot buy all the wonderful vintage bits that I am seeing!!

today we leave for St. Austell.. or rather, a village near there.. to our next cottage. it is raining and I am feeling very homesick and sad today. But that is ok.. instead of fighting these feelings, I am trying to go with them.. by allowing these feelings, I can learn. I can grow.